A moment of personal annoyance.

Over the past few months I’ve been inspired by other people and different movements have allowed me to really try and embrace and love who I am and be proud of that.
Over a year ago I had a “boyfriend” for about 3 weeks. It was basically mutual lust. However, he said one thing that has stuck with me and still makes me really self conscious.
“You have a nice body, it just needs toning.”
He didn’t understand my spinal cord injury. He couldn’t get it in his brain that I will never walk again and that I’m ok with that. It just proves he didn’t like me for who I am, he wanted to change me…one of the reasons why I got rid of him.
But that statement…it’s stuck with me.
I’m paralysed form the chest down, meaning my stomach muscles don’t work and can’t be toned…they’re paralysed. All’s I can do is try to keep thin and hope for the best that people or any boyfriends in the future will accept me and love me for who I am. But I still try so I hard to see, even when I spasm, those stomach muscles existing and toning and I just hate looking at myself in the mirror because of this stomach that shouldn’t belong to me; a healthy, leggy, skinny person. It should belong to someone else.
When I’ve conquered this feeling of self rejection to something as stupid as my stomach, I think my opinion of myself will be even more positive than it already is. I just wish I could accept it and love myself.
This may sound rude, but what annoys me even more is when people who have fully functioning stomach muscles moan about having a large stomach. THEY CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I CAN’T! When people say, “ye, but you can’t help it.” It doesn’t make it better. It makes it worse and makes me feel as though I’m inhuman, imperfect, not right…and I find my view of my own body image heading back down the negative road and I begin hating myself.
Sorry if this sounds whiny. But I needed to express this in some way.

One thought on “A moment of personal annoyance.

  1. OI YOU, Miss May!
    DON'T YOU DARE PUT YOURSELF DOWN LIKE THIS: (not wanting to sound to cliché) IGNORE THE HATERS AND THOSE WHO PUT YOU DOWN, because in the words of Bruno Mars, “Girl you're amazing, just the way you are”! I've known you for around two years now and consider you to be a friend, but also an amazing, ispirational person who has come through terrible adversity to get where she is today! I, and no doubt all of your other friends, love you for who you are, not what others expect you to be!
    Whatever you do, do NOT change!

    Lots of love, A Friend! ❤

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